Introductions

We met at uni – the first conversation we had resulted in him insulting me.  Not in a ‘damn, you’re ugly’ way; it was meant in a teasing way, but due to the subject of the comment, which is something I’m very protective of, it came across as an insult.  Not a good start, but a memorable one.

His comments on subject matters were somewhat interesting.  They made me think he was an arrogant, obnoxious git.  But, on the opposite end of the scale, he was also lovely, on occasion.  When I was having a crisis printing off some work for a deadline, he went out of his way to help out until it was sorted.  Hmmm.  I was having a dilemma.  Here was a guy whose views were very Tory-upper class-let’s ship all the immigrants back home….and yet I was strangely attracted to him.  I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  He annoyed me for just making me think about him.

I confided in friends about this and I was persuaded to get up off my backside and decide whether I really liked him or not, and if I did, to do something about it!  Over the Christmas holidays I thought about him more often.  I decided to do something about it.

How though? I’m as nervous as a mouse when it comes to asking guys out.  There’s this overwhelming fear of rejection.  But I asked him.  And he said yes.

When I asked him, my heart was pounding in my chest.  His face was one of shock – had I said something wrong?  Was he thinking of the best way to turn me down?  I quickly made my excuses, to save him uttering the words that would crush my hopes.  As I did, he suddenly appeared to re-animate, and reassured me that actually, yes, he would like to go out with me.

I left with a spring in my step, and quite literally, a song in my heart.  I felt as light as a feather.

He took me out a few days later and we had a lovely meal.  He walked me home and held me tightly as I walked in stupidly high heels over the ice on the pavements.  And then, when we got to my house, as the song goes, he kissed me.

We’ve been seeing each other for 5 months now, and I’ve introduced him as Occam.  There are more stories about our antics to come – I hope they prove to be an exciting read!

Xbox tips for dating

Whilst browsing the web, as you do when you’re procrastinating, I came across this blog post about an Xbox game that allows you to practise your skills of talking to girls.

Here’s my tip:

• Start seeing your mates again.  Seriously.  Stop sitting, glued to the screen playing said Xbox, and talk to your mates.  Get some social interaction.  Then you’ll realise what’s socially acceptable in a conversation, and in doing so, you know how to talk to women.

We’re only human you know.  We aren’t an alien species that speaks a different language.  Strike up a conversation about anything, be it how you find the attack on Berlusconi terrible, or, perhaps more likely to get a response, your plans for New Year’s Eve.

Make it your pre-New Year’s resolution

New chapter?

He kicked off his shoes, one of them propelled to the area of the room I was standing in. It hit the back of my leg, and I spun round, ready to berate him. But I thought of a better idea: under the guise of being annoyed, I started a tickling war. He was powerless to resist, and collapsed in a fit of giggles onto his bed. I straddled him in order to keep up the pretense that I was hurt by such a display of carelessness with his shoes.

But then he grabbed me, forcefully, but not enough to cause me pain. My arms were pinned to my sides, and all tickling was stopped. I was still straddling him, and as I felt how powerfully he held me in his grip, I started to let my mind wander over what might be.

I slowly lowered my head to meet his, and gently placed a kiss on his lips.  To say there were sparks is an understatement.  A sharp intake of breath from him, and his arms were wrapped around me, holding me in an unbreakable embrace.  My arms snaked around his neck, my hands running through his too-long hair.  Our hands wandered, as our lips danced over necks: as his lips kissed, and teeth grazed over my neck, it was all I could do to slump into ball.  A ball completely filled with electricity, feeling ecstatic.

I should have been feeling utterly relaxed, lapping up the attention he was giving me.  But I was greedy.  I wanted more.  I pulled at his shirt, lifting it up over his head.  I wanted to get a better look at him, so I pushed him back onto the bed, still kissing him, with him pulling me down on top of his body.

I wound my way down his neck, onto his chest, with my mouth, placing kisses along my way, but pausing at his nipples.  I circled my tongue around his nipple, and heard the sharp intake of breath, and felt his arms lock tighter around my body.  I continued this, bringing him to the same peak he had brought me to earlier, before carrying on my journey further down his body.

If his belt wasn’t so complicated, I would’ve contemplated taking his trousers off with my teeth, just for the effect.  But, alas, his belt was complicated.  He had to help.  But once I got his trousers off (he took his socks off at the same time – how do men do that so easily, seemingly without us noticing?), I continued with the teasing.  This was done by kissing the tops of his legs, and that little crease that forms between the top of his legs and his abdomen.  Then I started at the base of his penis, and licked the length of it, finishing off with a swirl of my tongue around his head.  I played around this throbbing head, running my tongue up and down the frenulum, as my left hand pumped his cock, and my right hand was entwined with his hand.  Then, when I thought I’d teased him enough, I slid the entire length of his cock into my mouth.  His hand swept my hair aside, which had fallen and covered his cock, so he could watch me work my mouth on his cock.

I moved back to kiss him properly, and his hands move quickly to remove me from my clothes.  Again, I raise the issue of skinny jeans: they may look good, but they sure as hell are difficult to get off in the throws of passion.  Now it is his turn to worship my body.  And he does such a good job, paying particular attention to my breasts, kneading them gently with his hands, whilst flicking my nipples with his tongue.

As I was in a state of complete and utter bliss, yet again, I failed to notice his hand disappear ‘down south’, until he started circling my clit with his fingers.  He was teasing me.  I kept trying to wriggle around, so he would sink his fingers deep inside me, but he didn’t take the bait.  But he did, when I least expected it.  I practically came on the spot.  It had been too long since I’d had anyone finger me, and it felt so good to have it done to me again.  He rocks me hard, still pleasuring me with his tongue all over my body.

Positioning himself above me, I spread my legs to allow him easier access.  I squirm a little, anticipating the inevitable thrust of his cock.  He rubs my opening with it, before sinking in, in one long stroke, before pulling out again.  He continues to do this, several times, before I grabbing him, trying to pull him towards me, my legs wrapped around me, trying to ease my frustration.  He grants me my wish, slowly, and as he thrusts in and out of me, he positions his hand in between our bodies, and starts rubbing my clit again.  He brings me so close, but stops.

I roll him over, pinning him down, and straddle him again.  I lower myself onto his cock, and this time, bring him to the brink of orgasm.  But I stop just before he does.  Now who’s the teasing one?  I tell him I don’t want him to come just yet, and suggest that he takes me from behind.

Kneeling on all fours, he grabs my hips, and takes me, starting slowly, and building it up.  With one hand on my hip, the other on my right breast, he brings me to the point again…..but then stops, building up the suspense.

We collapse side by side on the bed – neither of us have come yet. I ask him what he wants.  He says whatever I want, I can have it. I tell him I want him right now, really hard. He obliges.

He slid his cock into me, forcefully, and carried out my request by thrusting into me hard and fast.  After a few strokes, he said ‘Told you I wouldn’t last long’, followed by ‘ohhhhhhhh fuck!’ as his thrusts became harder, before coming deep inside me.

I may not have come, but he made up for it later.  But that’s another post…

Phone sex

Him: I’ll never let you win! Accept that I am superior.
Me: Nope, I’ll come up with some sort of appeal that says you’re cheating.
Him: That’ll never work.
Me: I’ll tie you to a chair and gag you.
Him: That’s called blackmail.
Me: I could bribe you. Everyone loves a bribe.
Him: Depends.
Me: On?
Him: How delicious the bribe is.
Me: Well we’re down to two options: money and sex.
Him: I don’t want money.
Me: Well that’s sorted then. But I suspect it’ll have to be to certain requirements. You won’t let me win for just anything.
Him: True. What do you suggest?
Me: A peck on the cheek?
Him: No deal.
Me: A kiss on the mouth?
Him: Hmmmm…still, no deal.
Me: A kiss below the belt?
Him: Getting better!
Me: Me, naked, on my knees, giving you head. Then, when I’m done, you can have your way with me. Does that sound good? Deal?
Him: Deal.

The most original chat-up line

Hello fellow bloggers and avid readers.  Things as a postgrad student have hit that point where I have too much work to do and not enough time to do it in.  I currently have three assignments to do and 3 exams to revise for in one week.  Easy peasy (!).  I have lots of posts lined up, promise, but in the mean time, I will let you in on an event that happened to make my day last week.

I was in the student pub with William, enjoying a drink after a music session, and sheltering from the cold.  We were heading for the door when this guy came up to me, who was either drunk or very eccentric, or both.  He pulled me to one side and said:

“Oh my God, you are the single most beautiful girl in this room, you’re eyes are so radiant, you light up the whole place!  And you smile is so radiant.  All the men notice you when you walk into this place, and they are so intimidated by your beauty that they can’t come up to you.  You are simply gorgeous.”  At which point William had walked off and didn’t witness any of this, as he thought I knew the guy!

When I thanked this kind stranger for his rather original conversation, I went to find William and re-told him the story.  He seemed a little miffed that some stranger had been ‘hitting on his girl’ as he put it, but that he had to agree with the drunk/eccentric guy.

It’s quite nice to be complimented by a complete stranger, but having my boyfriend (We are officially a couple!  Facebook says so!) compliment me on a daily basis is a rather more heart-warming and confidence boosting affair.

The Silver Lining

You know those old cliches: ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ and ‘as one door closes, another one opens’.  I never really believed in these proverbs/old wives’ tales, but I’ve started to realise that maybe those old wives were onto something.

You see, when I was moping around after Johnny, I joined a load of societies at university to keep my mind off of things and keep me occupied.  I took up a new hobby of learning a new instrument in an orchestra at university, and consequently, met a load of new people, and made a hell of a lot of new friends.

On the first night, many many weeks ago, I met one of the exec of the group called William (only in my strange mind can I go from his real name to William) who made me feel right at home with everyone and showed me the ropes with my newly acquired instrument (I think I’m up to 4 cliches now…).  He was incredibly sweet and there was definitely something there, he was instantly put into the ‘Possible Boyfriend Material’ category.

So once a night every week we met up for our lessons, and I kind of got the impression he liked me from the poking wars on facebook and catching my eye in band practice.  And I liked him too, but was perhaps lacking the confidence to do anything to confirm my suspicions.

But then the whole Barry thing happened again.  I honestly was unsure about how this was going to turn out, but I still decided not to pursue things with William until I knew for sure what I felt for Barry.  So, of course, him cancelling on me gave me the jump start to stop living in the past and remember why we broke up in the first place.

Que the next band practice:  despite the dilemna that was Barry, I was filled with confidence.  I decided I was an attractive, intelligent and amazing woman, and any man would be lucky to have me!  So, with this in mind, I was determined to make my move on William, even if I’d read the signals wrong, I was going to try.  At band practice he was his usual self, but the poking war had spilled over into real life, causing a massive tickling fight post-practice.  The rest of the band and me and William walked to the pub for some much needed beverages, which was where I’d decided I’d make my move.

Imagine my surprise when we got there, William offered to buy me a drink and then asked me out first!  He asked me out on a date to the cinema later on that week and I was beaming!

Since that night we’ve seen each other five nights and all I can say is WOW.  You know when I said I know I deserve better?  Well, this is what I deserve.  He’s quite possibly the most amazing man I’ve had the luck to meet: intelligent (maths student! He’s cleverer than me!), a musician (they make better lovers apparently), gorgeous, the most amazing kisser ever.  He keeps telling me how he thinks he’s the luckiest man alive because he’s got the most gorgeously clever girlfriend, and calls me beautiful.  He cooks for me and makes me breakfast in bed.

By the way, referring to that last comment, no, we haven’t had sex yet, but we have slept together, hence the breakfast in bed.  We have talked about it and we decided that we both wanted to do things properly, ad wait and make it the best it can be.  Hopefully not setting it up too much, but I have a sneaky suspicion that something this good out of the bedroom is surely going to be just as good in the bedroom.

Wicked way

Now I’m not going to divulge who this was with. A prize though, for whoever guesses correctly:

Him: “Morning. Thanks for the earlier comment, was feeling a bit down, better now. How’s uni life? Wanna come live here?”

Me: “That might be an idea! What was up with you anyway?”

Him: “Posh people suck. There’s room in my castle for you, very reasonable rates”

Me: “How reasonable? I’ve heard castles can be draughty. Get back to work, lazy!”

Him: “The rates involve performing tasks for me”

Me: “Like cooking and cleaning?”

Him: “Cooking, cleaning, sexual favours…”

Me: “Are you being a naughty boy?”

Him: “Well, you know me, I have a hard time being good. Are you texting in your lecture you bad girl?”

Me: “No I am not! I’m a good girl. Can’t you find anyone where you are to enslave?”

Him: “Personally I thought you’d enjoy the slavery 😉 what will convince you?”

Me: “Send me a picture of something I like to convince me”

Him: “Ice cream?”

Me: “No! But that’s a good idea for later, keep it in mind”

Him: “How about the sexypants?”

[Sends picture message of him in nothing but his boxers, along with “off in the shower now, pleasant thoughts :)”]

Him: “Have you thought about us having a shower together so we’re both wet and naked?”

Me: “I have, but I won’t tell you what I’ve got in mind just yet….”

Him: “Does it involve me pushing you up against the cool tiles after you’ve had a hot shower? Either way round, I don’t mind!”

Me: “Sounds good. Trying to decide which side I want to get hot first. But that’ll be after I’ve dropped to my knees and given you a blow job”

Him: “You do surprise me! I’m thinking behind first, so I can press your big, wet tits against the wall while I slide into you from behind”

Me: “You love it when I go down on you, so don’t be shocked! But I’m not going to let you come. That definitely sounds like the best position….”

Him: “I do love it, especially standing up. Not going to let me come then? What else have you got planned?”

Me: “I thought I was the slave here, subject to your every demand? Shall I bring the handcuffs?”

Him: “I wouldn’t mind bossing you about, but I need some direction. What do you want me to do?”

Me: “Not that I need persuasion, but I want to be made to lick and suck your cock. Then I want you to withhold sliding it into me, even if I beg you too”

Him: “And just when you’ve given up hope, I’ll fuck your brains out. Where do you want me to come though?”

Me: “So many options….you’re in charge, you decide, just as long as it isn’t my hair!”

Him: “I love coming in your mouth, but coming inside of you is a close second. You make it sound like there are so many choices, how much porn have you been watching?!”

Me: “Enough. I wouldn’t mind making you come in my mouth. First time anyway”

Him: “If I’m fucking you from behind in the shower, it could go everywhere, all over your ass, your back….”

Me: “Good job we’re in a shower then! There’s in my mouth, my breasts and stomach, my back, in my pussy and in my ass….you decide!”

Him: “I’m sure you’ll make me come enough for one of each. I’ll definitely be fucking you in the ass at some point in the night, if you want it”

Me: “I do want it. I may have to relinquish my role as slave and boss you about though”

Him: “Are you going to take control and ride my cock? What else are you going to boss me about for?”

Me: “I’ll use those chains of yours and have my wicked way with you”

Him: “You’re going to tie me down? Can’t wait, I bet your wicked way is awesome”.

Students: A different species

I seem to notice a recurring trend throughout the male students I seem to fall for: they always come up with the ‘I’m so busy, I can’t give you the time you deserve’ phrase/excuse.

I know you may all think I’m crazy, but last week Guy told me he still felt the same way about me, and that we should give it a go, a proper go.  He offered to take me out for a meal, and we did.  The night was brilliant, I was really happy, actually, I had good fun.  He seemed really happy too, wanting to know when he could see me next.  So we parted having a nice night, good food, him meeting my housemates and getting on with them.  And then nothing.  Until four days later when he stopped things dead with a text message, with the excuse I mentioned above.

It’s annoying to say the least, for him to go to so much effort, for him to just have a freak out over his work load and do that.  But…not really bothered :S yeah, it sucks, cause he doesn’t even want to be friends now, but I can’t be doing with people who have Barry Syndrome.  If he comes to his senses and wants to be friends again, then fine, but apart from that, life carries on as normal.

So….continuing on the students theme.  If I’ve had two (sort of) boyfriends who use this excuse (or as one of them) is there any point in pursuing another student?  To be more precise, a PhD student?  Cause they are a certain breed of student, always working, and most likely to throw me that line of reasoning for not forming any type of relationship.  He is very cute though.  I think I’ve developed a thing for foreigners, as he is Spanish.  Normally I can go up to guys and just generally say ‘hi, how are you?’ (a la Johnny and Guy) but he has a presence, and is super intelligent, so I tend to go a tad jellyoid around him.

*Sigh* We shall see….

Life blog

I haven’t felt like sharing my fantasies of my time I’d hoped to spend with Johnny next year, as his travel blog keeps me pretty much informed on his, er, antics.  And not just travel.  I know we’re technically not a couple, but I honestly thought it would take longer than three weeks before he’d forget about me and start chatting up pretty Chinese women.

Ok, so nothing happened.  She didn’t speak English, he doesn’t speak Mandarin.  She gave him her number though, and there was music play-age and ‘lustful glances’.  Only a matter of time before he goes the whole hog with someone, no?

I’m not naive (maybe a little….perhaps just extremely optimistic).  I kinda gathered that something like this would happen, as he’s meeting loads of new people.  Still hurts when it does though.  Part of my mid-year resolution was to stop over-analysing men.  So whilst I could conclude that he exaggerated the events to impress male friends back home, I won’t.  It happened, big deal.  Take the hint LS and carry on dear.

This week has been exceptionally shit.  My university doesn’t recognise me as being on a postgrad course, and the admin people are either experiencing bad days, like me, or are bitchy, also like me.  Either way, they’re pissing me off, especially when they can’t find my bank details to pay me, but they can magically find them to take my rent out.

Today I was so close to packing it all in, saying ‘screw it, I’ll get a job’, as combined with that Johnny thing, has just tipped me over the end.  But, as they say, patience is a virtue.  I have been offered a PhD in New Zealand.  But I need my MSc to actually fulfill the offer.  So….one year of complete stress in a city I hate, at a university I am growing to loathe and I will be free.

I have a feeling my blog will become a life blog slash anti-men blog soon enough!  Oh, and I had such fantasies to share with you all…..

Actually, on a lighter note, has anyone been to see RocknRolla yet?  Phwoar, is all I can say, phwoar.  I had a few fantasies about Gerard Butler and Tom Hardy the other night, both at the same time!

Decadence Part 2

I feel really bad, as I want this to be an account of my time with Johnny before he jets off on his fantabulous holiday. But unfortunately it seems sleep in between these two parts has left me hazy on events :S I will endevour to try my best however!

• So I left you last time with me and Johnny basking in post-orgasmic bliss. I was still up for more, But Johnny needed time to recover. Perfect timing for pillow talk! We talked about me and him, how I actually developed the balls to tell him how I felt (or, to put it correctly, just kiss him. I always think the direct approach is best), and how he thought I fancied someone else, and that I would never like him. We also talked about what to do next year: he will reach Australia sometime in May, but I will still be studying, so we decided to wait until he’s settled down and I’ll go over and visit him. This is, of course, dependent on him not meeting someone else who he’ll fall madly in love with. He doesn’t want me to put my life on hold for him, but he said he’ll stay in touch as often as he can. He also seems to think I’ll meet someone else, hence the not putting life on hold. This may sound completely daft, but due to me actually getting it right when I thought he fancied me, I think that perhaps he is more afraid of me forgetting about him, than him meeting someone else. Judging from how he was with me that morning, I think he really REALLY likes me. And I’m hoping that the following events will cement me in his memory:

After much pillow talk, he leaned over me and whispered ‘I want you again’ in my ear. Both of us were lying on our sides, and I tossed my leg over his, pulling him to me, kissing him. There’s nothing like a man saying he wants you to turn you on. But this time I was in charge. I straddled him, kissing him and slowly working my way down, via his neck and nipples, which I gave a gentle nip with my teeth. I teased him slightly as I got closer towards his cock, by starting kissing his knees and working up again. Finally, I stopped teasing him and licked the entire length of his cock, swirling around the tip, stroking the underneath with my tongue before taking the entire length in my mouth. My left hand stroked his balls whilst I slowly licked his cock in very languid strokes. I could feel him twitch in my mouth, and I could tell he was enjoying it so I stopped and positioned myself above him, and he thrust upwards to meet my downwards movement. I rode him like this for a short time, before I pulled him up so he was sitting up and I could kiss him. I think it was too much for him, as he lay back down and pulled me down and kissed me, thrusting upwards as I moved down on his cock. This felt so good, but I wanted it to be spectacular: I sat upright again, moving my hips in a circular position and fingering that bit between his balls and arsehole, and this was pure bliss for him. I was close to another orgasm, and with his hands on my hips, he was moving me around on his cock as I felt him shudder again beneath me.

Laying down again, catching our breath, looking at him was like looking at someone who’d had an epiphany: He said that that was amazing, that even though he didn’t actually come, he felt loads of pins and needles throughout his whole body, and it was the best thing ever.

So of course, he hadn’t come, and he was like a beast that had been let out of his cage. He told me to lie on my side again, as he entered me from behind. Slowly at first, before grabbing my hip and pounding into me hard, my leg up in the air. I grabbed hold of his hand and moved it to my clit, so both our hands were rubbing profoundly on my clit as he brought me to orgasm. This was a mini orgasm I think, less powerful than the others.

We next went into the doggie position, with me on all fours, and him positioned between my legs. This didn’t last long, as it’s my favourite and most likely to get me off. I was feeling sore from being pounded but at the same time I didn’t want it to stop. He held me as he thrust his cock into me, but not removing it, just swirling his hips around until he came inside me again. He collapsed onto his legs, dragging me with him, so we were sitting on top of each other, but facing away. He wrapped his arms around my front, and I could feel the warm breath on my back, every so often interrupted by his kisses. As I felt his cock slide out of me I literally collapsed on the bed. I was sated (for now) and we resumed our entwined position in bed, him wrapping me up in his arms, and yet more pillow talk. One of the best things (scrap that – it was ALL GOOD! But a nice part) was the attention I got after orgasm: him dragging me closer to him, holding me in his arms, me nestled up resting my head in that nook formed by his chest and arm. The little kisses that he loved so much (he said I kiss just how he wants to be kissed, hence why there was so much of it!). Not always with loads of tongue, little sips of the mouth, with his hand at the back of my head (yum). I told him I liked it like that too. He seemed surprised that such a simple thing is what makes me go weak at the knees for him.

This recovery period was longer than before, partly because *I* needed to recover as well. But he is very good at turning me on. I want to know where men learn to do the whole kissing of the neck so well tehcnique, including licking. Because it’s just fantastic. Is there a handbook? Anywho, I was so turned on again, I quite forcefully made him lie on his back and went down on him again, this time, intending to go for gold. I could hear him swearing under his breath, and occasionally taking my head in his head and moving my mouth up and down his cock how he liked it. I thought he was going to come, but then nothing. Then he called my name, and I stopped what I was doing, thinking I’d done something wrong, but all his said was ‘ride me’. I must have looked puzzled: I mean, blow jobs were my specialty! It was then he explained that he’d never actually come from a blow job before, he didn’t know why, but it did feel really good. ‘But I know what feels better’, he said, meaning he wanted me on top again.

This was slower, more relaxed than my previous outing on top with him. I felt in control, as I was on top, but at the same time, just as vulnerable (if that makes sense) as him, as we were face to face, both of us feeling the intensity of the movements I made. I held the back of his head in my hand so I could lift his head up slightly to kiss me. It felt good, but not enough to bring us to orgasm (too many perhaps?) and we shifted positions again, with him on top. I think it was here that he went down on me, but I can’t be sure! Sorry, but I did warn you I was hazy on the timing of events. Anywho, he kissed his way down my body, and I knew what was coming next, something I’d been longing for in all honesty. He swirled his tongue around my clit, alternating with upwards and downwards strokes. Then he stretch the skin to expose my clit even more, which was pure bliss. I was buckling under his mouth and I could feel my come trickling down me into his mouth. Then he stopped and I pulled him up so I could kiss him. I said ‘you taste of me’, to which he replied with just a smile, and positioned his cock at my pussy again. This was more ferocious, and I had misjudged where my head was in relation to the headboard, so it banged against it as he pounded me. But he placed his hand on the top of my head to stop my head hitting the board. With his other hand he lifted my leg up, so he could enter me even further. I love that, so it didn’t take long to tip me over the edge again!

He wanted me on all fours again but as he pulled out of me and I got up he had this expression on his face that read ‘actually, I can’t wait that long for you to turn around, I want you NOW!’ and pulled me down onto of him so he was sitting up, with his legs bent, and I was on top, using the bottom of his bed as leverage to rock us both to the peak of pleasure. My legs started to ache, so he flipped me over and entered me from behind again. This was the quickest orgasm of our session, a few powerful thrusts and we were both coming all over the place. As we returned to our previous position of us kneeling down with me on top, his heavy breathing on my back, I could feel the come from both of us trickle down between us.

We lay back down in bed, his head resting once more on my chest, his arms wrapped around me, my arms wrapped around him, our legs entwined. I ran my hands through his hair, kissed his forehead, and stroked his back once more. My hand wandered down his back to find the dimples where his back ends and his buttocks start. I swear, there isn’t an ounce of fat on that man, he’s pure muscle. I was intrigued by his back: so muscly and toned, I wanted a better look. I told him to lie on his front, and I straddled him and gave him one of my back rubs (reserved only for the very special people in my life), mainly so I could admire his back, but also to give him something back after all that hard work he put into making me come so often (although he did say he loved making me so wet!). He relaxed even more, closing his eyes, as I massaged his buttocks, his back, shoulders and finally his arms. I started to plant kisses on his back, but my hair (which was a mess by this point) tickled him, which resulted in me pinning him down and tickling him. But he is deceptively strong, and somehow he managed to wriggle round and pin me down. He just held me, so close. We fell into a sort of sleep, not for long, but I managed to catch a glimpse of him sleeping – so gorgeous. I feel asleep with his arms around me.

When I woke, I saw him looking at me with sleepy eyes, and a smile on his face. He stroked my cheek with his thumb and kissed me. Then what I didn’t want to hear:

‘I don’t want you to go, but I really need to pack. And besides, the longer we spend together, the harder it will be to say goodbye’.

I knew this moment would come, but it came too soon. It always does, doesn’t it? I crept closer to him, pressing so close to him, as he hugged me so tightly. We were both sad that this was the last time for about 10 months we’d be able to do this.

I broke from the embrace first, deciding to be strong, determined not to cry or be anything but happy for him that he was going on the trip of his dreams. We got dressed, and I saw my reflection and thought ‘oh God!’ when I saw my hair. Johnny went to get me a comb.

As we walked to the door, we clung to each other, hugging and kissing. He told me not to put my life on hold for him, and to study hard, make him proud! And I said I’d see him next summer, as long as he doesn’t meet his future wife, of course. To this he replied that I might meet someone else.

Both options are possible. But (and I know I sound daft) he isn’t the type of person to go off on one night stands, so this I’m not worried about, and even if he does, well…we’re technically on hold, so I can’t complain. And he won’t be staying in one place long enough to develop a relationship with anyone, so I am clinging to the possibility that this time next year I will be back in his arms (aren’t I soppy?). But no, I’m not going to put my life on hold, in case it all goes tits up. I’m staying busy, trying new things, carrying on with the hobbies that both Johnny and I love doing, so I can go ‘Ha! Look! I’m a black belt before you are!’ and so on and so forth. I’m not going to stay at home, waiting for an email every night. But I will look forward to next summer so much.

Today I’ve been emotional. I was thinking to myself ’24 hours ago I was with him’. And almost instantly I got a text from him saying that he was thinking the same thing. I’m sad that he’s going but I’m looking forward to seeing all the pictures of these gorgeous places he’s going to, and telling him about MY adventures, even if they are restricted to this country. I ache from all the sex yesterday, but I don’t want the aching to go away, I want it to stay, as a reminder as it were. I’m scared also of being hurt. But my mom said something to me today: she gave him a picture of me years ago for him to scan into the computer so it could be blown up and given to my nan, who at the time was short sighted. Apparently he just looked at my photo and was speechless, and was just breathtaken by it (sorry, I don’t mean to sound vain here, just going on what I was told). But he hadn’t met me at that point. Then this summer, I started working for him.

Yeah, I’m scared of being hurt. But I’m also very excited about what could be.