Forgiveness

I was at a wedding the other day, and the vicar was giving his sermon and it struck a note, not only with the bride and groom I think, but me as well. He said ‘No matter what you do that annoys each other, you must forgive. Don’t make a list in your head of all the times they’ve done the same thing’.

Which is a good point, I think it’s a very good idea. But at what point does forgiving all the time become you just being a doormat, and spineless wimp, a ghost of who you used to be? If there’s giving and taking…if you forgive and the reciprocate actually does make an effort, and gives in other way, does that count? But what if you tell them it pisses you off and the effort is ok…but still not good enough and they slip back into old ways?

I want my Barry back, the one that was here just a few weeks ago. Yeah, sure, when he’s here now, there’s still snippets of his old self: he’s making an effort, he’s doing his work aroundme, so he can still see me. But the bad is dramatically outweighing the good. My mother says I should stick it out; I think I’m being a doormat. I’m giving it a couple more weeks, then I’ll know whether I’m a doormat or not.